“Unspoken expectations are premeditated resentments.”
Neil Strauss – The Truth: An Uncomfortable Book About Relationships
Interpretaion of the Quote
- The Hidden Trap: You hold an idea, but only in your head, of how someone should act, treat you, or perform a task.
- The Silence: You never actually tell the other person what you want or need.
- The Result: When they inevitably fail to read your mind, you feel hurt, angry, or bitter.
- The Fault: The disappointment is self-inflicted because the other person never had the chance to agree to or meet your standard.
Where It Applies
- Relationships: Expecting a partner to know why you are upset or how they should celebrate an achievement without telling them.
- Workplace: Expecting a coworker or employee to handle a project a certain way without giving clear instructions.
- Finances & Life: Assuming things will just “work out” for retirement or savings without setting concrete goals or rules. What you measure matters.
How to Fix It
- Be Very Clear: State your needs, boundaries, and desires out loud.
- Turn Expectations into Agreements: Ask the other person if they are willing and able to meet your request, rather than just hoping they will.
- Risk getting things out in the open, rather than hoping for miracles! Better to find out sooner rather than later.
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